Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
