My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize