oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
