I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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