I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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