I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
