ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
