if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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