Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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