did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
