I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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