you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she peed on how many people?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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