So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
