maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
