the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just gift wrapped bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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