I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
