I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
