We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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