I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
