Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
