I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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