you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
