Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
