You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
