is wine microwaveable?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
