I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
