WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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