he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
