I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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