Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
