"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize