I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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