i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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