Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
