so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
