1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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