btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
