just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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