She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
