oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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