what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
