my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize