Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
