Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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