You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
