My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
