My liver just broke up with me...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize