she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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