Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
