A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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