i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
