This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
