actually, I'm a sock model
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
