MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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