I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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