Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
