Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
