A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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