Did you just see the Batmobile???
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
