I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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