Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
