At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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