This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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