we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize