she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
