just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sext me about skeletons
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
