woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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