I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
