So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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