My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
