i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm passing your future prison.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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