Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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