South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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