If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She is in my trunk
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
