so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
