i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize