We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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