I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
