what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
