Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
