Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
