I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
