He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize