just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
