i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
