You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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