i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
