We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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