fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
