can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
