I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
