Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
