There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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