it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
