How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
