He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize