I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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