Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
