i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
