In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
