I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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