I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
