So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
