Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
