Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize