hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
