My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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